Loving Women. Problem?

Okay, so I think I have a problem. I love women too much. I always have. Ever since I can remember from when I was 4, I always wanted to be with a girl. While my brother was hanging out with bunch of little boys causing trouble, I always wanted to split my time with the boys and girls. I remember going over to girls house, knocking on the door and asking if she can come out and play. Don't get me wrong, I have a strong handful of great homies and they'll be my brotha's for life but I always had to balance my life out with the same amount of girls in my life. So I do have girls who are actually real close to me. I have no intentions on having sex with all of them. I legitimately consider them close friends. One requirement, they have to be attractive to me to pass as a 'bff'. It must go back to psychology of my mother.

Anyways, moving onto my whole love thing. Yes, I am still in 'love' with Meli but I have been seeing other people this past couple of weeks. I couldn't stand how much I feel for this girl. She's on my mind when I'm working, sleeping and the first thing that comes to mind when I wake up! I am fucking obsessed with this one. I've had 2 other girls in my life who I felt this way towards and believe me, that's super rare. Out of hundreds of girls I've dated, only 2! Well, Meli is my third.

She just happen to break up with her unhealthy relationship of 1 year so I need to give her time to heal. So I told her that I am moving on and will date other people while we work on our friendship.

I needed to do something. I don't like the way I feel when I am in 'love'. It's uncontrollable but inspiring. It opens up other emotions such as jealousy, concerns, anxiety and other emotions I can't stand and don't normally feel. So I am taking steps to get a control of this emotion.

Step 1: Writing a letter to her telling her that I am moving on and that we should focus on being friends first. She calls me back and tells me how she would love to date a 'bff' since she has only had damaged relationship from getting into relationships with just guys that she meets.

Is this bullshit? I had a conversation with another girl the other night and she told me that she would love that more than anything else. Maybe it's true, I'll find out.

Step 2: Put a rubber band around my wrist and snapping it every time I think of her. This is a very popular psychology method anytime you start to feel emotionally weak. Instead of sitting there for long minutes and dwelling on the bad emotion, just snap the rubber

Step 3: Dating other girls. I've actually went on 3 different dates with the nights ending well but I still think about Meli. WTF?! I even thought about her while I was hooking up with one of them.

I had a conversation with others and all the poeple seems to be in love with 1 person who just drives them crazy. Maybe it's love but either way it creates heavy emotions such as jealousy, anxiety, missing her, anger and all that bullshit.

I don't know if this techniques will work but it's been making me feel alot better and allow myself to not dwell on Meli so much.

And yes, I hooked up with handful of girls this week. I don't know what happened but they all called me! Don't get me wrong, I treat all of them with the highest respect and always make them feel good about themselves. I'm almost like a male escort without the pay. It's fun and healthy so why not.

I had one girl, Eri, come visit san diego from her home town so we went out to a club, met up with some friends, danced and had a great time. I haven't seen her in almost 6 years and she still looked good after 2 kids. Eri, kept telling me and my friend that we must do good as single guys. I told her we only hang out with each other and don't like talking to other girls. Haha, I said it as a joke and she got it.

Pick Up Technique: My homie tells me to go talk to the 4 girls that were sitting nearby and Eri wanted to see what I can do. I go up to the girls and ask an opinionated question. I then instantly point to my female friend and homie to let them know that we were just talking about that subject. I do this so they know that I'm not a creep and that I have cool people I can always kick it with. This allows them to throw down their guards pretty fast. The cute one is married and tells me that she doesn't go out much so I tease her by saying that she is the boring one out of the group.

Make sure you are talking in a friendly way because you can sound like an asshole with the wrong tone.

One of them showed me high interest so I started teasing her saying she's the trouble maker and we can't be friends because she loves to drink and cause trouble.

I quickly found the one that is the leader of the pact and I instantly became friends with her by saying how cool she is and giving her a high five.

I encouraged the 4th girl that was a bit on the shy side by bringing her into the conversation.

They all asked for my name. I don't introduce myself because it's one major sign of interest when they ask for it. I tell them, I shouldn't tell them because they can't pronounce it or remember it. They said they'll try and after telling them my name, they actually were proud that they can pronounce it and remember it. I excuse myself so I can go back to my friends. The one that showed me interest yells back at me saying that she couldn't remember my name but I just smile and go back.

I bring Eri back to my place and we just fool around. It'was nice.

Two nights later, my old apartment manager's daughter calls me and wants to bring her girlfriend to dance and drink at my place. I invite them and it was fun. Both were cute and had this lesbian tendency. There was music, dancing and drinking. The other girl went home early because she had responsibilities but the other girl stayed and we had a little fun.

I go visit my friend up north the next 2 days later and spend the night over having good conversation and enjoying life.

I know if oneday, 1 of my female friends finds this, they're going to chew my ass a new hole. I just think it'll make a good story.

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